A Sip of Life Read online

  I tried to talk and tell

  But my words were never important to you

  My eyes tried to say

  But you never were able to read them

  My heart beats tried to cue

  But you were too fast to understand their rhythm

  My smiles tried to express

  But you were too distracted to notice their reasons

  Finally when my tears welled up

  To the point I wasn’t able to hold them back

  You wiped them and simply said

  It’s just water... Be strong !!

  What would it take?

  For you to know... How much I have loved you

  From the moment

  You set steps in my lonely life...??

  The Answer :

  Guy to girl

  Every word you ever said

  I have analyzed and absorbed

  Your deep stunning eyes

  Expressed more than you could ever say

  Your slow beats of heart

  Made my heart skip a beat

  Every time I was too near you

  Your appealing innocent smile

  Was all the more a reason

  To hold you forever

  And those tears

  In your dazzling eyes

  Made me hate myself

  Because I always knew

  I was the reason behind them.

  I don’t know how will I ever

  be able to tell you

  How much I have loved you

  From the moment I saw you.

  But could never accept

  Because I can’t trust myself

  To take care

  Of the most beautiful hearted girl

  I could ever meet.

  So I will make you strong

  And call your tears simply water.

  And one day will fade away from your life

  To be a beautiful memory

  Not a hurtful past !!

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Lost?? Me?? Well maybe

  "Lost?? Me?? Well maybe"

  That’s all she could answer

  When questioned

  "Why are you so silent?

  And lost these days? "

 

  Something had definitely changed

  Over past one year,

  Too shy and person of less words

  Evolutes into chatter box

  Talking of anything and everything

  Answering the unquestioned

  No more plain smiles

  But full of real words

  Kicking the contained silence

  Succeeding into several voices at once

  And everyone liked and loved her new Avatar

 

  And then... It all ceased

  Not a sudden change,

  But

  Like subsiding of erupted volcano

  Like the silence after storm

  Like the calm winter after Fall

  Something had taken away

  That zest and zeal from that laughter

  That sparkle and shine from those eyes

  That chirp and cheer from that voice

  She couldn’t quite

  Put the finger on change

  Or find the reason of roll back.

  That cloud of serenity

  Again engulfed her

  Pulling her back

  Into that world again

  Where all that was adequate

  Was herself and the imaginations

  Her nods and smiles

  Symbolizing good listener

  Is that what they called being lost?

  Then maybe somebody needed to locate her

  To discover the giggles again

  To replay the fountain of mirth

  To rekindle the passion for words…

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Voice From Inside

  Standing on that hilltop

  A voice echoed to her

  “Why you deny?”

  “Deny? What?” Answered she

  “That you love him

  Deeper than this gorge

  Larger than that ocean

  Greater than your life”

  No name was mentioned

  But her heart...

  Took her to one person only

  There she was...

  Back to those old memories

  That first day they met

  His miraculous smile

  His brimming enthusiasm

  His sparkling eyes

  Those few words they shared

  Ringed in her ears.

  Clear as glass

  Her mind could recall

  Those talks they shared

  Those undecided quarrel

  Those moments of sheer joy

  Over time lot has change

  But did she really love him

  “Out of question” she shouted

  Her voice echoing back

  “The strong walls around my heart

  Can’t be so weak

  No one I will permit

  To hurt it again

  No one I did permit

  To hurt it again``

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Another Night on the Terrace

  This seems a strange land,

  This seems a strange life,

  Listening to the breeze blow by,

  Listening to the cuckoo sing,

  Gazing at things,

  Thinking to myself,

  Myself,

  That’s all I’m left with

   Trying to find me, within me, 

  The me who smiled in the sunny phase of life,

  Laughed like he had never laughed before,

  They always said, as much you laugh, so shall you cry,

  He always ridiculed them

  I do not cry,

  Ok maybe sometimes,

  But that’s only because, there's no better way out

  Maybe they were right,

  Maybe I’ve exhausted my share of smiles

  Insensitive now to the world outside, 

  And inside 

  Not a soul to understand me,

  And here I am looking into the moonless skies,

  Trying to find the moon

  There's utter silence out here,

  The sound of fireflies in the background,

  An occasional breeze brushing past

  Thoughts, a flood of memories,

  The past, The good past,

  Reliving it again in my head,

  Trying somehow to bring it back,

  The magic that was life

   What if I had not taken that one step forward?

  Or what if I had, taken that other one???

  There's emptiness,

  A vacuum devoid of feelings,

  Laughing at every little thing,

  And then suddenly turning quiet...

  Emptiness

  A silence

  Nishant Rawlley

  Blank

  A sinking... Lonely feeling

  And I wanna cry

  But cant, because there’s none

  who will my tears dry

 

  The people I thought cared

  Who actually did for a while

  Are still around; but emotionally

  ‘ave gone away thousand mile

  Why isn’t anything stable

  in my confusing life,

  Even the sweetest words

  Cut me deep like knife

  How many times I resolute

  Not to get attached to a friend or kith

  But every time they become close,

  Then turn away... leaving me in grievous pit

  Somewhere a hope survived

  Of having someone dear

  Who understood my conflicts

  Who was far yet near

  But now like a glass broken

  Everything seems
scattered,

  With pleasant smile I answer all

  Though all joy seems shattered

  Another day

  It’s just another day

  I tell myself...

  Another one of those dark ones

  When nothing bothers me

  Still I have a sinking feeling

  When everything is at its best

  Still I feel out of place

  A point where I have what I didn’t ask for

  But what has changed my life

  Made it amazingly beautiful

  Yet this feeling... Strange... Weird...

  This might just pass on

  With passing of this day

  I hope sooner than later

  Vague anticipations

  Of something amiss

  Yet a ray of excitement

  Of something achieved!

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Waves

  I’m happy,

  I’m sad,

  I’m happy coz life's finally on track,

  the world's good to me,

  I’m good to the world,

  I’m enjoying my life,

  I’m enjoying it mono,

    

  But then there's something missing,

  I don't what it is,

  but I feel its absence,

  there's something that questions,

  Why are you happy?,

  and sends me back into a terrible low,

  I know my faith,

  I know how I works,

  I know the secret to happiness,

  but don't know why it isn't working anymore,

  I’m happy for a moment,

  and question my happiness the next,

  I laugh one moment and go yet in eyes the next,

   

  not that I want to be sad,

  but somehow I just can't escape it,

  a single seed of pessimism,

  multiplies many-folds,

  into an entire aura of pessimism around me,

  and then everything goes wrong,

  I so want to get out of here,

  but it turns out to be futile,

  I do know that my griefs are illogical,

  but nothing helps at the moment,

  the negativity is hovering over me,

  everybody seems against me,

  my faith dwindles, my trust waivers,

  I doubt every friend,

  every logic has ceased,

  tears, my only loyal companions,

  I live a life of lies,

  lying to myself that all's well,

  maybe it’s not, maybe it is,

  I relive my childhood, seeking solace, seeking low,

  vain, the joy is transient,

  I wish to pray,

  but I’m so self occupied,

  so I take out this moment,

  to kneel before Thee,

  I know You love me,

  I know I’m cared for,

  but please help me out of this,

  my life's my own,

  let it remain mine,

  let me not be controlled,

  bless me, guide me, be my teacher,

  I kneel before Thee....

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  End of Journey

  She thinks aloud...

  "I am stuck on this road again

  It has two paths ahead

  One that leads to you... But may not ever be complete

  And another that leads to new world... But I am afraid of it

  Afraid of losing you... When I know I don’t have you anymore...

  Why can’t life be as simple as choosing between apple and orange"

  Like all other winds... She has moved on too

  But that sweet fragrance will be carried around forever

  That reminds her of his feel...

  His conviction that she still loves him...

  His trust that she can't choose anyone else...

  But his desire that she should move on...

  That’s all to make her fall in love all the more...

  But... One day we eventually grow out of love

  Not hatred... But not even love

  A plain feeling of being content... That it happened

  Maybe not lasted long enough

  but it happpened...

  One day she wants to wake up... And not know who she is...

  Be a new person... Erased of all memories whatsoever

  And so she decides

  A new life

  A new motive

  That’s how she's going to end this journey

  Begin a new adventure... A new journey... On a newer path

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Best Known Stranger

  Yeah I don’t like changes

  Although the "things have changed.

  But

  No, I don’t want them to be like before anymore."

  I have learned to live for myself alone

  No, it’s decided... I don’t crave for you anymore...

  You are definitely the best known stranger I never knew!!

  Sometime letting go off is really the best decision you can make

  As soon you let go... You realize how light you feel

  And that it isn’t really about loving or being loved

  It’s more about being yourself... Exploring the real you

  The one that can exist without the one you thought was so essential

  But would you really stop loving??

  No, it’s just that you don't desire him anymore...

  He would be the best known stranger of your life

  Now I know

  It wasn’t about you or me,

  It was always about priorities.

  But this doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,

  It only means we will be best known strangers for rest of our life.

  Monica Singh

  *****

  The Black Flower

  I thought you loved me,

  I always did,

  You had convinced me so,

  But now,

  As much as I try,

  I cannot convince myself again,

  But you, take it from me,

  I had loved you,

  Maybe I still love you,

  I had fallen into love,

  I had committed an entire life to you,

  And you knew it all the way,

  I don’t know what to say,

  My heart still believes in that innocent smile of yours,

  It still believes in those dreams we dreamt together,

  It still believes in the truth of your eyes,

  Wants to believe that everything'll be alright,

  That you loved me and that,

  It was no fault of yours,

  Never wants to say a word against you,

  Again that’s how deeply I love/d you,

  ,

  (I don’t know which one applies, though I wish the latter did),

  I wish you hadn't chosen me for the prank,

  I wish I forget everything as easily as you did,

  And here I was, thinking that you'll be faring worse than I was,

  Funny, isn't it?

   

  But still I cry,

  I still shed tears,

  Simply in the timeless memory,

  Of the beautiful times you gave me,

  Yeah I had lived an entire life in those six months,

  I cannot deny,

   

  But didn't we promise to spend our entire lives,

  Together?

  Those dreams? Those promises?

  That feel of your hand against mine that completed me?

  I thought, we meant them,

  You did mention about our uncertain future,

  And I had promised to take care of it all,

  Alas, I was never even given a chance,

  Maybe I still have a
few regrets,

  A few unrealized plans,

  I had never thought, my sincere love,

  Deserted such a ruthless, abrupt end,

  Where I wasn't even granted our one last talk,

  Yeah I regret a lot of it,

  I had seen a perfect partner in you,

  They say I’m acting stupid,

  My head does say it’s time to move on,

  The heart questions, Can you really?

  Tell me how do I forget you,

  Who's connected to every little element, every breath

  of mine,

  I don’t know what lies ahead for me,

  The show called life must go on,

  I guess I should just believe in him and go on,

  Go on, not move on,

  That might take some time,

  But I won't stop,

  Though I still repeat,

  It should not have happened,

  Right when I had barely

  Learnt to live without someone,

  You came, stayed and then left me with a fresh new

  wound,

  Anyways that’s all for me, you have a good life ahead,

  You're a good person.

  I can't say I love you anymore,

  But I do have residual love for you in my heart,

  That’s all I can say,

  Take care...

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  Self - Love

  Something amiss... Deeply troubling

  A pain... A grief

  Don’t know what name I can give

  But it’s troubling long... Not brief

  At times wanna stand out

  And show my strong belief

  At others just wanna hide

  Like a petty terrified thief

  A remedy to these fears

  A cure to the troubles

  When nothing goes right

  And when nothing seems ok

  I just think of you

  And find solace in my dream world

  Free of all worries

  free of all sorrows!!

  From this day I promise thee

  To care of none but thee

  To love none but thee

  All my affection went in vain

  All my care went into drain

  All my sacrifices are called pain

  But from today... From now

  I embrace only you

  Yes only you... My dearest myself

  This feeling of satisfaction

  And being complete is more divine than heaven itself

  Loving being in with myself

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Abandoned Sadness

  Curtains have been raised again,

  Windows again opened,

  Winds have gushed in,

  It’s a new breeze, The breeze of life,

  Singing and humming move on.

  Life awaits me, it never stagnates,

  Every day is bright,

  Every night starlit,

  When I wake up in the morning,

  Life gives me two choices,

  Smile in the present, or wail for the past,

  And what do you think I do, I choose to be happy,

  The nature rejoices my joy,

  The sun smiles at me,

  The winds hum my happy little tune,

  The little nightingales sing for me every morning,

  I believe in me ,

  I’m a different soul,

  I’m the favourite child of god,

  He loves me the most, So Why,

  should I expect from those around me,

  They have nothing to give,

  I give them all my love, but

  I’m never alone,

  I’m my own best friend,

  I’m my own lover, This, life taught me,

  Life is a strange teacher,

  The teacher teaches and tests,

  But life tests and teaches.

  It said, you're bored

  Coz you're bored of yourself.

  But no more.

  This world is inviting me,

  Come! Conquer!!

  My pleasure, my joy