A Sip of Life Page 4

  sans expectations,

  to...where there's true pleasure,

   

  but all that seems all too far now,

  I feel lonely, I feel helpless,

  I am sinking....deeper and yet deeper..,

  there's no calm, unrest prevails,

  there's no peace, fear prevails,

  time moved on,

  I was left behind grieving,

  there's an aura of pessimism, as if nothing is right,

  life never seemed more meaningless,

  death more desirable,

  until now,

   

  I hate myself for giving up my golden principles,

  I hate myself for getting emotional,

  I hate myself for apologising so badly,

  when I wasn't wrong an inch,

  what do I get in return?

  Ignorance,

  formalities,

  and a long lasting fear of emotional exposure,

  bad deal, believe me.

   

  yet I want to come out again,

  into the free airs, into the infinite skies,

  yet I want to fight it again coz...,

  somewhere deep down I believe,

  there's a silver lining to my dark horizon,

  all I need is strength. The strength of soul,

  O mighty cosmos!!

  Grant me the strength to bear what you put up for me.........

   

  if only 22/5 hadn't occurred at all...

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  The Soul

  “I want to know, what have I done to deserve

  this state of misery,

  this phase of loneliness, even in the crowd...?”

   

  Question was right there, Hanging in mid air

  Aimed at everyone listening

  But

  Was there really anyone?

  None that she could see...

   

  It was a question… directed to herself

  So was the answer....Concentrated by her soul

  To directly herself.

   

  “Do you really want to know where you failed yourself?

  Where you lost that self esteem?

  The truth of which you are hiding behind that false ego of yours?

  Do you have the strength left?

  To know the naked reality,

  Take blame for your actions

  And burn in your own remorse?

  I guess not girl… I believe not.”

  Concluded the Soul, with a mocking smile.

   

  She looked up to find the source of that voice…

  Only realizing she was all by herself… but

  Still found the necessity to answer aloud.

  “Trusting someone is a mistake?

  Then yes I did.

  A result of desperation to prove, the outcome of longing for care…

  Then yes I was wrong.

  To not have faith in one who loved unconditionally

  And desiring to move away…”

  She hung on to that thought for a while...

  And continued

  “Not a desire… but feeling a need to move on

  was indeed the biggest fault.

  But you tell me… “

  She shouted, despite the silence around

  “Would the self inflicted guilt

  Be sufficient to purge my tainted soul

  Even though it seems enough to give deserving misery?? “

  And alas… she sat down, not able to handle it anymore

  Tears running down her cheeks

  She waited for a reply… But there was none…

  The tarnished soul had nothing more to say

  It had done it what needed to be done

  Explaining her… that she brought this to herself…

  And had to learn to live with it

  However hard it was…

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Cocoon

  Like the tiny insignificant caterpillar

  He crawls

  He crawls and withdraws into his cocoon

  Closing the door behind him

  He turns on the dark

  And lay close those big questioning eyes

  A head clattered with questions

  Trying to sleep

  In his dreams he asketh for answers

  He asketh for solutions

  Why on earth this sudden trench?

  And he does lie deep

  Once again the bottom of the ocean

  Life’s funny no doubt

  Funny is what you call it when you can call it nothing else

  with his eyes still shut closed

  another toss

  And he's reminded of the familiar moon

  That lit up the sky in milk white colors

  It used to calm him down

  Gliding above him in its own flight

  Peaceful quite solitary

  The questions used to float away

  Thinning into the dark

  But tonight wasn't the night

  After all it was the New moon

  Tonight he lay there, aid-less, unarmed and beaten

  And then the dark took over

  Conquereth his senses

  But the questions never left

  He seeketh answers

  Why on earth, this sudden trench?

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  All I Write

  A passionate game

  Maybe a way to fame

  Scribbling the thoughts

  Like intoxicating shots

  With swing of mood

  Sometimes mature, else crude

   

  Heart's intense desire

  In words like fire,

  A wish not true

  On paper that grew.

   

  About world and mob

  About a giggle and sob

  On promises broken

  On trusts Shaken

   

  For innocent love

  like a pious dove

  for caring friends

  though changing like trends.

   

  For people I miss

  and a world like this

  For a place that was sour

  but now which is far.

   

  An inside fight

  That’s all I write…

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Awaited Touch…

  Been too long now

  since I last had pinch of that pain

  it seemed like a long forgotten story

  A happy person I am

  Well Atleast that’s what it seemed

  until yesterday I suppose

   

  Looking at those content people

  around me chirping like

  carefree birds of morning

  Reminded me again

  of that hole in my heart

   

  that emptiness created

  which I had been trying to curb

  which I had been trying to ignore

  Realizing now… alas yes

  I am indeed not as strong as I think

  The urge to touch him

  to kiss him

  to feel him

  still lingers right there

   

  Right at the corner of my eyes

  Running slowly down my cheeks

  The warm feeling it is

  but not so peaceful

   

  Its making my heart go colder 

  I shudder on remembering those gone days

  These two long years

  haven’t filled up that hole

  Neither the self indulgence

  Nor the busy life

  Neither the selfishness

  nor the selflessness

   

  Maybe nothing but tha
t touch can

  Cure me of this mad feeling

  Just one touch… and I will be free again

  to start afresh…

  Monica Singh

  Meetings

  Stop holding me back,

  Just let me go,

  Please don't show me your face again,

  I just wanna go,

  Every time I see you,

  It becomes all the tougher for me,

  To convince myself

  That it’s over,

  That I’ve moved on,

  So please stay away from my sight,

  And allow me to re-live my life~

   

  Every time I see you,

  I go blank in head,

  The million things I wanna say to you,

  The million questions I wish to ask you,

  All erupting all at once,

  Why did you have to do it?

  What had it been between us?

  Was it really what we claimed it was?

   

  I look at your face,

  Cold... Stern,

  As if I was the culprit,

  Why? I fail to understand,

  Despite the million sorrys I begged,

  Despite the million times, I tried to make it up,

  I recall,

  How you threw me out of your life,

  And my head tells me to turn around,

  I obey,

  And then, you are gone,

  Inside me, I crib,

  What if I had gone and uttered something,

  What to say, I know not. .

   

   Now when everything is over,

  I just remember one thing of all,

  I had loved you,

  The most of all,

  The most purely of all,

  If only you could have understood,

  My love never desired your presence,

  Just a feeling, that you were there,

  We could have been apart forever,

  Yet always together,

  But you chose it the other way,

  And that was the most ruthless of all,

  And that’s what tells my head,

  To stand up for myself, my heart,

  And to hate you and throw you out of my life. .

   

  Now that everything is over,

  I fail to believe, I fail to understand,

  Was it really love between us?

  Do I still have love for you in my heart?

  I don't know, and I don't wanna know,

  All I know, I want,

  Is to move on,

   

  Every time I see you,

  My head and heart are at war,

  So please stay away from my sight,

  And allow me to re-live my life. .

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  After a Break

  A long break indeed

   

  the feeling to write has eloped

  the ideas to express have faded

  the strength to write has flown

  the zest for this passion has gone

   

  Strange it is

  How words fail her now

  The slow and killing element

  still unfounded… escaping her sight

   

  Here today she thinks

  What is it that's missing??

   

  The long lasting grief maybe?

  The emotions she poured

  have finally left her?

  The unending self indulgence

  has now ceased?

   

  Weird it is

  The stage of being content

  being just herself

  being plain happy

  Is pointed as dire selfishness.

   

  It only makes her laugh unemotionally

  at various interpretations of her emotions.

   

  But not being able to pen down her pent up feelings

  is what troubles her most.

  Funny creature she is indeed

  Interesting one too

  who is in dilemma with her stability.

  True it is maybe

  steadiness isn't meant for some people

  She needs constant roller coasters

  Continuing high and low tides

  Habitual laughs and tears…

  That's what a normal life is for her.

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Walking Alone

  Slow at pace… fast at beat

  I move towards… Something strange

  Lost somewhere… Thoughts unknown

  Confused world around… Still I go on

   

  Walking on sand

  Alone with thoughts

  Don’t know where I go

  Don’t know where I end up

  Waves touch my feet and retreat

  And leave me alone again

  Breezes pass through and vanish

  And leave me alone again.

   

  Things unknown

  World undiscovered

  Myself undefined

  People all strange

  Such is the crossroad I am on

  Don’t know what path to take.

  I keep wishing on stars

  That there should be someone

  To walk beside me

  Someone who’ll never

  Leave me alone

  And take me to just the right path.

   

  But then I wonder

  Do wishes come true???

  Monica Singh

  *****

  Martyr

  I can still hear the roar of cannons and guns

  but the dawn of peace is nearing…

  Mud soaked in gore, I can smell;

  O Mother ,there is something I always wanted to tell...

  Soon I shall reach you, maybe not as wholesome as I left,

  Always know that this ragged body shouldn't dishearten you…

  Believe that your son has been liberated from the cage of war,

  the shackles of this earthly skin

  and bones.

  On my way above, I would meet my fellow fighters,

  Some whom I killed and others to whom I fell prey...

  I love them all without Grudges, because they too

  were duty-bound like me in their love for

  their motherland..

  O mother, as I am losing my conscious and flowing into nothing,

  I want to tell you that I love you…

  And never feel lonely as I shall pay you homage

  every new morning with the rise of sun till its

  presence on Earth..

  Isha Soni

  *****

  The Secret

  The secret of what happens

  behind the closed doors

  The secret of what happens

  after the sun goes down

  The secret of merciless slaughter and daily killings

  Of deaths died every day

  And of stories buried back into the earth

   

  Remains indeed

  a well guarded secret

   

  But what if someday

  somebody managed to force open the door?

  But would anyone care enough?

  To look beyond the visible?

  But what if the dark tales,

  of slaughter and deaths,

  were suddenly made known to the world?

  Would it understand? Care?

  The odds are bleak

   

  But the mind continues to fly

  Around me in pitch darkness

  I see the murderer and the death

  Both smirking at a helpless me

  The death taking away a piece of me

  The murderer waiting to take the rest

  Thoughts scurrying all across

&nbs
p; From the beginning of this life,

  to the end

  My world seeming small

  Very small

  Without a soul to make out that I'm dying

  Without a savior to care

   

  But I am only shocked,

  at the persistence of my killer

  He shouldn't have lasted so long

  I used to be strong

  Slash after slash

  Assault after assault...

  He never seems to tire off

  For I can only wait

  For one of us to quit the game

  And I know who its going to be

   

  Of unheard cries, of untold stories

  Of unseen killings

  The secret of what happens

  Behind the closed wooden doors

  Still remains

  A really well guarded secret

   

  For the world shall never know...

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  Steps

  Took one step and it’s you whom I meet,

  Pleasant, holy, lithe, a protective love sheet.

  Second step was a little longer,

  Thought you were nothing more than a sulky fishmonger. 

  Sudden steps together to walk away from you,

  Everywhere you found me, appearing out of the blue.

  Then began the sagacious plans to make you surrender,

  Time and again you proved your power on this Earth and under.

   

  Another step I took, this time for the good;

  At a distance with open arms ,you happily stood.

   

  Yes, you were tough and sharp like a knife,

  But I now realize your worth, O Dear Life ..

   

  P.S - Never Give Up On Life... It’s difficult but it’s beautiful...

  Isha Soni

  *****

  An Honest Lie

  I know you are happy somewhere, I'm not complaining,

  Its the ritual of the world to move on,

  As wise men say… the time which once passes is forever gone...

   

  I know I'm a fool to stand and wait, because I'm too slow for this worldly race..

  A man among men you might be for all,

  But my world is you; says my heart's call...

  I know we are on two different paths, never together always apart;

  The brain says move, the heart says stop;

  For God's blessing which might on you drop...

   

  I know it's useless to you what all I say,

  For it was always meant to be this way,

  The sea before the storm is calm, I can’t see you in the lines of my palm...

  Gone are the days when I cared, gone are the feelings that we shared;

  "A man among men" you are for me too...

  I wish this lie could just be true... I wish this lie could just be true ...

  Isha Soni

  A Closed Chapter

  I miss the tears I wept for you,

  I miss the smiles I smiled with you,

  I miss the feel of your fingers against mine,

  That one last time,

  I miss the lies you lied to me,

  I miss the pains you gave me,

  I miss the fears of losing you,

  I miss the love I had for you,

  But not with a tinge of repent,

  Not the slightest one,

  Not that I want you back into my life,

  You're not welcome,

  Maybe I was just too good for you,

  Maybe you got what you deserved,

  Maybe my love for you was far more,

  Than you could take,

  If only you hadn't played with lives,

  But that does not matter now,

  I hear people saying true love doesn't have an ending,

  I can bet mine was no less,

  But yeah I’ve ended it long ago,

  And happily so,

  You're simply non existent to me,

  Or maybe just another chapter,

  In the book of my life,

  A closed chapter....

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  Final Betrayal...