A Sip of Life Page 6

but that won't change anything.

  It'll still be the same

  long days....long nights...

  And you

  we talk we laugh we feel happy and

  I miss you

  I know you do 

  I don't know if sorry is the word

  maybe it is

  I created all this ruckus 

  But it was never on purpose

  I wanted to party 

  celebrate my success

  to tell you that you cleared too

  and it never happened

  and it all ends the same way

  helplessness

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  A Tale of a City and a Heart

  It happened in the town of Delhi

  For once, a naive little fellow stepped in,

  Striving by the day

  Living the transition

  Transition from walking to running

  Running without a moment to look back

  And soon the city embraced him too..

   

  Or so he felt,

  He had someone to rest back upon

  Until when, the someone stepped back

  Yes he was falling,

  But He had his plans too..

   

  Somebody opened her arms just in time,

  And he was caught...

  Embraced and never allowed to fall,

  The city was his again

  he had a home now

  And somebody waiting back home...

   

  But the good times weren't all their to stay

  For the nth time in his life,

  Times changed, People changed, Life changed..

  People whom he thought would die than give up on him.

  A faith of thirty full moons,

  And then one day,

  It all came down the slide,

  Probably, a bit too fast

  The home was snatched

  The city again an alien enemy,

  But he managed to stand again,

  Slowly, painfully, tears up to the brim

   

  And then he smiled,

  Took life in his face,

  Breathed the air around him

  Alone

  Opened his eyes to life

  Laughing to his own jokes,

  And not regretting it..

  Being solo

  And not regretting it

   

  It was different,

  He was meeting a person he never met before, himself

  Finding within himself what he sought from people,

  Giving wings to his own desires,

  Seeing and believing the life he wanted for himself

   

  And for once, he smiled

  For he owned the city now..

  Nishant Rawlley

  The Unsaid Tale

  Sitting alone tonight in my four walls

  Like the moon, too distant really from the stars

  The room dimly lit

  I do wish to say something

  But, words escape me

  Questions instead

  I know not what exactly is

  That I feel

  Cursing god, Questioning God

  The mind too smogged

  For me to even know the truth

  The pain, too deep sunken

  For redemption

  Questions, too futile

  Guilt, for the mistakes

  That never happened

  Tears, for the past long bygone

  Not a soul to understand what I feel

  Neither do I

  Laughing a bit too hard

  Crying harder

  Questioning every moment going by

  Waiting for the tides to settle,

  Will they ever? Will they?

  Trying to lose myself

  Trying to get a hold

  Trying to find meanings

  Every solitary night is a battle

  Sleep, the victor

  Yeah I cry

  I still do

  Feeling her somewhere around me

  Calling out my name

  I see that smile

  Definitely hear her laughter

  Like she’s right there somewhere

  And then the sun smiles

  Wickedly though

  Waking me up

  From the cozy lap of black darkness

  To the blinding light of reality

  Bringing back the pains

  In their entirety and more

  She’s gone, long bygone

  Happier

  And me, am still the wanderer

  From a point where I wanted to stand up again

  To the one, deep beneath the surface again

  Life continues with its many fateful turns

  Mercy not the word

  Struggling to fight for survival

  Falling weaker with its every slash of the sword

  Smiling without believing in the happiness

  Crying without a reason for the tears

  Living in the silence

  Not the tranquil one

  But the shrieking one

  Sharp painful shrieking silence

  It’s not too easy..

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  The Story So Far

  As I stand here,

  Silently at the eighteenth milestone of my life,

  And look back at the trail behind me,

  I have grown up,

  Strangely, I have indeed,

   

  From the boy of yesterday,

  To the lad of today,

  Life has changed, Times have changed, People have changed,

  And yeah I have changed...

  But this isn't how I wanted it to be,

  I was never what I am today...

   

  On one of the chilly mornings of March '99,

  With the sun still sleeping,

  A little kid is woken up by his mother,

  "Bah!! School again" he says,

  He goes to school, into his second family,

  His friends, and a large one at that,

  And, they do what they are expected to do,

  They play all day, they run about in the corridors,

  And indeed have a blast of a time,

  And what’s new about it?

  It happens daily....

  Loving and living every bit, every moment of life,

  Our hero cries for lost erasers,

  And on teacher's scoldings...

  He's scared of his mother, when he hasn't scored atleast 9 on 10...

   

  But, he's happy,

  His heart is clean of hate,

  He's shy yet confident,

  A complete extrovert,

  Wouldn't keep a thing in his stomach,

  That’s how it all used to be....

   

  And then times changed, people changed,

  And he changed.

  And he was given better reasons to cry, than lost erasers,

  "But things don't go this bad,

  Atleast they didn't in my fairytales"

  "Ha dude, life is no fairyland,

  this is how life is"

   

  People say I’m too pessimistic about life,

  I just feel I’ve observed life silently,

  And all I know is,

  You are what your times are,

  Your times change, you change,

  Nothing stays, feelings, friendships, love....

  Trusting people seems an impossible feat...

   

  They say I’m addicted to pain,

  And I’m addicted to loneliness,

  Well when the pain surpasses all boundaries,

  It just dies out, leaving behind,

  A strange relief, a trance,

  At the bottom of the ocean,

  There is trance,
>
  You aren't drowning anymore,

  You're just calm and accept it,

  And that is where I am,

  Sitting comfy at the bottom of the ocean...

  They say I’m childish,

  Come on people,

  I’m not childish,

  I’m a child, the hero (at the heart though)...

   

  Times have changed,

  People have changed,

  And I too have changed...

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  The First Blow

  I always thought,

  Friendship is a silent promise

  that said,

  Wherever you are,

  However you are,

  I'll be there,

  Waiting for you,

  No matter how broken you are,

  You'll have a shoulder to rest on....

  Alas!! I was wrong

  Alas!!! I was terribly wrong

  Not that my friends haven't ditched me before,

  I’ve had numerous examples,

  But the grief

  That you said that...

  Not that it wasn't expected of you,

  The person you are,

  But what hurts,

  You failed to see my pain,

  Though you've suffered it for yourself,

   

  Maybe you're right,

  Maybe I’m wrong,

  Maybe I was expecting a bit too much,

  Maybe I’ve bothered you

  more than I should have,

  But you should have known,

  That I was in pain,

  Deeper than ever,

  Painful than ever,

  I do not say we aren't friends anymore,

  Nor do I undervalue our beautiful relation,

  But you must know,

  You were wrong,

  I needed you too much

  I do not know,

  why you did it,

  Anyways as always,

  You be happy,

  Rest assured I’m fine,

  Or am I ???

  I lost her long ago

  maybe its destined so,

  Maybe there's a need,

  For the curtains to fall,

  For the doors to close,

  For me to spend a few quiet moments with myself,

  With my feelings

  And my self....

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  Wondering…

  The transition from night to day,

  is actually never gradual, but sudden,

  A moment back,

  you were engulfed in darkness,

  Calm, sleeping, and a moment forth,

  you face light from all sides,

  Blinding light, the light of reality

  And I wish to keep closed, my eyes 

  For if I let them open, those tears will be open to the world..

  I wish to sleep more, 

  Eyes tightly shut, rolled into a ball,

  Why? Am I not allowed to cry if I want to?

  Does somebody else decide, if I can be sad?

  And with this, I shut off the light I can,

  And am back to sleep..

  May the day never come,

  Yeah, may it never..

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  A Passing Moment

  My third night on the terrace

  And they’re all back

  Like the long lost friends

  together again

  And Its been long indeed.

  The same moon, the same winds

  The silence, the stars

  My best silent buddies

  Away from life,

  resides life!

  The winds whisper their song into my ears

  Reciting those timeless love stories

  Bringing back memories of the times that were

  They call it a storm

  I call it the dance of the winds

  Celebratory! Wild!

  Uncontrolled, untamed!

  Amidst all the wilderness

  I stand still

  And I bathe in it, every bit of it

  Absorb life from it into myself

  I hear the hustle of a thousand leaves behind me

  Like water gushing down a riverine

  in the bed of the hills

  Musical, soothing

  I gaze into nothingness today

  Finding faces in the moon

  I keep staring at the stars today

  Like those long lost friends

  With tales, secrets, memories…

  Another strong gush of wind

  Getting stronger with every moment

  And then, it subsides

  As sudden as it had come

  Leaving a story in my ears

  I had flown with it a moment back

  I feel cold now

  And tired

  But its okay

  After a hard day out in the sun

  The cold is more than welcome for sure

  I let myself loose

  Soaking the silence

  The utter silence

  Punctuated only by the hustle of the leaves

  And the whispers of the winds

  Strolling with a few careless steps

  Witnessing all that goes around

  Away from life,

  resides life!

  A birdie flies past my vision

  Late from work again, probably

  It is a late hour indeed

  The full moon, the rare silence, the dancing winds

  This is it, the moment

  But it all feels different tonight

  In a good way

  Is something really happening?

  or is it just a passing moment?

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  Simply Beautiful

  “You know don’t take me wrong

  but I kind of find you attractive”

  That’s what he imagined saying to her,

  To that girl sitting two rows across

  The girl who

  Out of nowhere had caught his attention today

  How he could just not help

  take his gaze off her

  Like some mysterious force

  Pulling him back

  to those deep kohl laden eyes

  Those big, questioning eyes

  Lit up like a child’s

  Simplicity, Purest in form

  Indian tresses intertwined into that plait

  Skin, the color of dusk

  Attire, an array of colors

  Just the perfect match

  Unconventional beauty, to say the least

  She laughs, smiles

  It feels kind of nice

  Pacifying… Ethereal

  Just a face in the crowd

  Yet today, she had stood out

  And he

  He hadn’t moved

  But looked at her all through

  The girl two rows across…

  Beauty, Just the way he liked it

  Just the right smile, Just the right humility

  The right mood, Beige

  The calmness of it all

  The stillness of an ocean

  The timelessness of it all

  And he couldn’t help

  But soak in it

  The beauty

  And there she sat, smiling

  Oblivious of all that he felt

  Of all that had happened in this corner of the room

  Of the fact that she had struck someone

  Not that he went up to talk to her

  He only wished, he could see her the next day

  The ethereal tragic beauty

  The girl sitting two rows across

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  The Journey Back Home

  Time seems stopped

  Passing by in slow motion

  Feeling
every moment

  Feeling alive to every moment

  Silence within noise 

  Suddenly things seem to matter less

  Suddenly life seems a little easier

  Questions and mysteries seem fading into thin air

  The question marks, the creases on the forehead, dissolving

  The journey ahead of me is long enough

  And all I have taken is a little first step

  I’m tired enough

  The day has been long

  My legs giving away

  But this must be done

  There’s no other way

  I cannot stop here

  I must keep walking

  It’ll take me time

  but I’ll be home

  The past seems a little less important

  The future a little less worrysome

  As I silently behold

  The trees, the cars, the world

  Whiz past me

  The first hi’s, the last goodbyes

  I remember them all

  Like some waking mare

  Just before the break of dawn

  But right now in front of me

  I see the truth

  Glaring at me in the face

  The truth, the home

  And now I wish to go home and sleep…

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  Good Times

  Yeah those times were as real as these

  Just a lot more magical

  When life was a pleasure every moment lived

  And you were the reason to survive

  Living alone

  Yet I had you to fall back upon

  And you, were so alive

  Hearing that sugary voice way past midnight

  Seeing that smile so real, some more often

  Your jokes, your nasal laughs..

  They used to make me so happy

  Meant everything to me

  For then, you were mine

  Ending my day only after putting you to sleep

  Listening to you sleep, through the phone

  And kissing you goodnight each night

  Sharing a life with you

  For me, it was more than I had ever asked for

  You could make me the happiest,

  with a simple dimple-adorned smile

  The twinkle of your eyes, was my hope to live,

  Your hand had completed mine

  And you me

  You know what, every time I saw you

  I still had the butterflies, the tickles

  As real as ever,

  Your charm had never gone

  Infecting me each day, each minute we shared

  And now, seeing the vast barren expanse

  Dried of water, devoid of any sound

  Chasing mirages

  I wish the good times had lived on...

  Nishant Rawlley

  *****

  A Toast

  A toast for the love of life

  One, to the questions that were never answered

  And never will be

  Another to the mystery called love

  May we feel it one day...

  To the tears wept in dark rooms

  and One To the happy times and the happy memories

  One for the relentless efforts

  Trying to understand life

  To loneliness, and all that it taught us

  To the pain we spend our lives fighting

  Fearing it might never leave at all

  A large, to the messes we got ourselves into

  And to the bigger ones created trying to get out

  To pain and those pain laden eyes we never shall forget

  And to mistakes,

  They were fun indeed

  One To the friends,

  Those who stayed and those who left

  They'll always be a part of us

  And One to those laughs

  And the people we shared them with

  They still bring a smile

  Another one, To those dreams and those moments

  We would trade our lives to live again

  And finally the last but never the least